If you expect it then say it

One huge source of conflict in a relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend are expectations. These are things that you would hope that the other person would do in the context of your friendship and partnership. When these expectations aren't met, there is conflict. Most conflicts revolve around one source of unmet expectations or another. This is why you need to avoid this trap as much as possible.

If you get into a pattern early on in a relationship, you are probably going to be expected to keep it. If you have been writing sweet notes, for example, every Friday then forget about it for more than a month, your partner might wonder what he or she did to make you not want to do it anymore. There can be hurt feelings involved in something like a change in patterns.

Be clear about what you want and need in the relationship. It's best to do this as early as possible. If you need so many hours a week of time alone, put those patterns into place early and not later when there could be conflict because of it. Find out what your partner's expectations are in a relationship to see if you both can realistically meet them.

Be clear about what you don't want or don't need. If you draw healthy boundaries, you can protect your interests while not feeling you are stepping on what is expected of you. Be firm but loving when doing this. Again, the earlier this is done the better.

Talk about expectations in terms of different levels of commitment. Sometimes one partner or the other might expect you to act a certain way once engaged or once married. Talk about what you both think you expect at these deeper levels of commitment to avoid disappointment later on in your relationship.

(These are not my word but I agree completely. Its along the lines of what I wanted to say however found them in an article someplace on line. This is what we call the expectation trap. so many of us fall into it and don't understand what happened when things go south.)