Recently I have been asked this question more frequently than before. It could be that I am actively starting to date again and the fact that I signed up on a web site to meet new people doesn’t help the frequency of the question either. So with that question being thrown out there it made me stop for a minute and really think of WHY I AM SINGLE. I start by saying my singleness is not by choice its by circumstance. I really do want to be in a meaningful loving relationship. However my thoughts are I haven’t met anyone who can fill the position yet. I don’t think I ask for to much realistically. Yes I do have a list of standards and we all know every woman has the list of her perfect man, but I am willing to put all the extra stuff aside for a few basic things.
1. BE SINGLE: how may times have I run into a guy who wants to get to know me and come to find out he is married, in a middle of a situation or living with his child’s mother.
2. BE ELIGIBLE: I seem to attract the men who are not eligible to date. Either they are going thru a divorce or recently divorced and have a complex about trust and don’t want to get into another long term relationship. Or the man who has 4 kids by 3 different baby moms and has no time to date, or think about someone else in their life at this time. I have nothing against men with children if he is taking care of them but I refuse to be a part of drama or mess.
3. BE HONEST: I can respect you more if you tell the truth and not play games. If you like me you like me if you don’t you don’t. don’t keep me around just to see if you can sleep with me when you know you have no intention of having a relationship with me. This also goes for being yourself. If your honest with who you are it prevents confusion later. Don’t fake just to get my attention then turn out to be something I cant stand. Begin with honesty in everything and it will take you a long way.
4. BE LOVE: its funny but a lot of people really don’t know how to love. I want someone who is able to give and receive love. Of course love has to develop first but once its there are you able to handle it and how do you respond to someone who truly is selfless and able to love you. Do you take it all and be selfish or are you able to give that same type of selfless love back to your mate.
Now those are just the basics, I feel that those 4 things are not much to ask for. Now we all know there has to be some physical attraction somewhere in the mix and preferences we like but that’s getting into a detailed list that I will probably post at a later time. But based on the original question this is why I am still single. Its because I haven’t met that one man who was single, eligible, honest and showed an ability to love.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Best Man
Currently on the plane to Las Vegas to see a man who I call my brother get married. Whenever he introduced me to people he would call me his “Best Man“. They would look jokingly but that was the easiest way for people to understand our friendship. Now I am considered the “Best Woman”. I will be standing right next to him on his wedding day, giving him my support like I always do.
I have known this man for about 16 years and counting. Ever since we met through a mutual friend in high school he has always seem to make his presences known. Everything from popping up to the house unannounced, attending birthday and family celebrations to even paying his respects at my step dads funeral. He has truly been a part of not only my life but my families life as well.
Through out our years together we would trade stories when happy, give and take advise when confused and even cry to each other when hurt. I can truly say he has been there for me when I needed him and I for him when he needed me. One of my Best friends indeed and he would always say I’m the female version of him.
I remember when he told me he was ready to settle down, all I could do was laugh. I just knew he was going to be a bachelor all his life. So after the humor wore off and I realized he was serious I did nothing but support him. I could feel that he had met his match. From the moment when I first met his fiancé I liked her. She was down to earth , genuine and not intimidated by him having a female friend. She hung in there with him and now they are getting married. I always thought I would have been the one to jump the broom before him but he did it first. He hung up his jersey and handed in his player card for love. I’m so proud of him and I know he will be a great husband for her. 9-10-11 will be a date to remember.
I have known this man for about 16 years and counting. Ever since we met through a mutual friend in high school he has always seem to make his presences known. Everything from popping up to the house unannounced, attending birthday and family celebrations to even paying his respects at my step dads funeral. He has truly been a part of not only my life but my families life as well.
Through out our years together we would trade stories when happy, give and take advise when confused and even cry to each other when hurt. I can truly say he has been there for me when I needed him and I for him when he needed me. One of my Best friends indeed and he would always say I’m the female version of him.
I remember when he told me he was ready to settle down, all I could do was laugh. I just knew he was going to be a bachelor all his life. So after the humor wore off and I realized he was serious I did nothing but support him. I could feel that he had met his match. From the moment when I first met his fiancé I liked her. She was down to earth , genuine and not intimidated by him having a female friend. She hung in there with him and now they are getting married. I always thought I would have been the one to jump the broom before him but he did it first. He hung up his jersey and handed in his player card for love. I’m so proud of him and I know he will be a great husband for her. 9-10-11 will be a date to remember.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The good the bad and the confused.
What’s the definition of a "good man" or a "good woman" when it comes to relationships and dating? I’m so tired of hearing my friends say they cant find a good man, then at the same time my male friends are saying its hard to find a good woman. If both sexes are thinking the same thing then it must not be lack of quality. Right?
After speaking to some friends, co workers and family members, it all comes down to the people we are attracted to are not meeting the standards we have set for a mate. Sometimes we have this long list of items that our mate must have or posses. There is nothing wrong with having an idea of what we want but we also must be realistic. First we must see that the type of person were initially attracted to must not be the type of person we want. Sounds confusing but its really not.
Example: if a woman is visually attracted to the “bad boy” image, 9 times out of 10 the guy is going to really be a bad boy. Its very rare that you will find the money making Accountant walking around with baggy clothes on looking like a thug…. Same goes for the men. If a man is attracted to that “video vixen” most likely she isn’t the happy homemaker you take home to momma.
So we have to look at what we are attracted to and possible change our perception to see what we really want. Attraction is only temporary, we need to dig deeper within ourselves and understand it’s the connection that leads to love and everlasting happiness. The attraction is just the icing on the cake.
If we are smart when choosing a partner then we will most likely not have unnecessary drama that comes with some folks relationships. Then we just might be able to say we have a good man or a good woman in our life.
After speaking to some friends, co workers and family members, it all comes down to the people we are attracted to are not meeting the standards we have set for a mate. Sometimes we have this long list of items that our mate must have or posses. There is nothing wrong with having an idea of what we want but we also must be realistic. First we must see that the type of person were initially attracted to must not be the type of person we want. Sounds confusing but its really not.
Example: if a woman is visually attracted to the “bad boy” image, 9 times out of 10 the guy is going to really be a bad boy. Its very rare that you will find the money making Accountant walking around with baggy clothes on looking like a thug…. Same goes for the men. If a man is attracted to that “video vixen” most likely she isn’t the happy homemaker you take home to momma.
So we have to look at what we are attracted to and possible change our perception to see what we really want. Attraction is only temporary, we need to dig deeper within ourselves and understand it’s the connection that leads to love and everlasting happiness. The attraction is just the icing on the cake.
If we are smart when choosing a partner then we will most likely not have unnecessary drama that comes with some folks relationships. Then we just might be able to say we have a good man or a good woman in our life.
Inspiration & Faith
In my opinion, we all need a little inspiration from time to time. And if you’re a believer like I am you realize how important it is to have a daily dose of the word to get your day started.
If you know me you know I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be, but I do recognize where my blessings come from.
So I make it a point to pray every morning and give thanks . I also have been blessed enough to have a friend send the daily word as a message to my e-mail box.
So when it comes to spreading the word, inspiration and positivity I do not want to be stingy, so I would like to provide some internet resources that I use and hope you find it just as helpful as I do .
These links provide everything from entertainment &support for family to inspirational quotes and actually bible readings on line.
http://www.beliefnet.com/
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/
http://www.joycemeyer.org/
http://www.biblestudytools.com/
Now I know there are many many more resources and on line tools but these are just a few that I frequent. Take your time read thru and enjoy.
If you know me you know I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be, but I do recognize where my blessings come from.
So I make it a point to pray every morning and give thanks . I also have been blessed enough to have a friend send the daily word as a message to my e-mail box.
So when it comes to spreading the word, inspiration and positivity I do not want to be stingy, so I would like to provide some internet resources that I use and hope you find it just as helpful as I do .
These links provide everything from entertainment &support for family to inspirational quotes and actually bible readings on line.
http://www.beliefnet.com/
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/
http://www.joycemeyer.org/
http://www.biblestudytools.com/
Now I know there are many many more resources and on line tools but these are just a few that I frequent. Take your time read thru and enjoy.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Welcome Back!
Hello my faithful readers, sorry to have left you hanging waiting and wondering when and what my next post will be. I have had the worst case of writers block lately so I haven’t felt very creative. I’ve had moments where I will think of something, start to write and then not be able to finish or close the thought.
So as you can imagine it has been very frustrating for me.
Well wait no more my beauties I have been motivated to complete my thoughts, finish writing the ones I have started and write some new stuff too. So in the next few weeks you'll see a few updates and continue to view pieces of my life through this blog. I thank you for your patience and happy reading.
So as you can imagine it has been very frustrating for me.
Well wait no more my beauties I have been motivated to complete my thoughts, finish writing the ones I have started and write some new stuff too. So in the next few weeks you'll see a few updates and continue to view pieces of my life through this blog. I thank you for your patience and happy reading.
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