This weekend I truly realized there are two sides to every story. Without going into to much detail, I realized all the while I was placing blame on someone else their view of the situation was placing blame on me. I was fortunate enough to have an open conversation and let go of my stubbornness to hear it out. I will say its a shock to the system to hear the truth about yourself especially when you feel like your always right.
May sound funny but the blame was evenly placed, and both of us took responsibility for our actions. I can sincerely say I am at piece with the situation and hope to have learned a valuable lesson from all of this.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Update
November is coming to a close and I did my 30 days of the on-line dating thing. I wish there was a more interesting story to tell you but it isn't. I lost interest right after I posted the I gotta date blog. It wasn't as fun as I thought and it was more work than anticipated. I was better off meeting someone in the grocery store looking for produce. I'm glad I gave it a try and I can honestly say I tried but It's not for me. To all of you all that chose to look for love via social networking, websites and dating chat rooms, I wish you much luck.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Emotional Rehab
(Before you read this please remember this blog is my therapy. Sometimes I share personal parts of my life because it helps to get things out instead of keeping it bottled up. I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my sh*t)
Some things I just don't understand when it comes to men, dating, sex, feelings, and relationships. What the heck is going on??? I ask myself that question on multiple occasions. Many of us women have the same story and it all ends up with heartache or pain of some sort. Very few of us find that happy place and get the good man that's going to love and be a devoted.
Around this time last year I wrote a blog titled "All Men Lie, Most Men Cheat, I Still Haven't Found One To Prove Me Wrong" After experiencing the situation I discussed in that article, I decided to go hard core and treat the men how they treated me. Now for a woman to do that is hard because no matter what, we still somehow develop feelings. So to avoid catching feelings I would disconnect myself before anything had the chance to develop.
This went on for a few months until I met this one guy who I can honestly say stole my heart. It wasn't suppose to be that way and I had no intentions with him to begin with but he saw through my exterior gained my trust and broke down some walls, layer by layer he was getting closer to me in ways I didn't think were possible.
Everything seemed to be good. No pressure, public outings, great communication. Then all of a sudden everything came to a halt. Without warning, the communication stopped....
WTF!!! is all I could think. how in the world do you know what I've gone through emotionally in the past and the types of dealings I've had with trusting men and you pull something like this....Oh hell naw!
Part of me wanted so bad to let out the inner stalker and slash tires, key cars, call up his job and some more things. But after the initial shock, bucket of tears and the hurt I came to realize he was unavailable.
I would love for him to answer my questions and tell me why he went about things in the manner that he did but its not my place to wonder anymore.
I prayed on it and instead of me wishing harm I wished for peace. And if he couldn't find happiness with me then he finds happiness with himself. I'll let GOD handle this and i know I'll have my answer when the time is right.
So back to starting over, my walls are thicker than ever and I'm going through an EMOTIONAL REHAB.
Some things I just don't understand when it comes to men, dating, sex, feelings, and relationships. What the heck is going on??? I ask myself that question on multiple occasions. Many of us women have the same story and it all ends up with heartache or pain of some sort. Very few of us find that happy place and get the good man that's going to love and be a devoted.
Around this time last year I wrote a blog titled "All Men Lie, Most Men Cheat, I Still Haven't Found One To Prove Me Wrong" After experiencing the situation I discussed in that article, I decided to go hard core and treat the men how they treated me. Now for a woman to do that is hard because no matter what, we still somehow develop feelings. So to avoid catching feelings I would disconnect myself before anything had the chance to develop.
This went on for a few months until I met this one guy who I can honestly say stole my heart. It wasn't suppose to be that way and I had no intentions with him to begin with but he saw through my exterior gained my trust and broke down some walls, layer by layer he was getting closer to me in ways I didn't think were possible.
Everything seemed to be good. No pressure, public outings, great communication. Then all of a sudden everything came to a halt. Without warning, the communication stopped....
WTF!!! is all I could think. how in the world do you know what I've gone through emotionally in the past and the types of dealings I've had with trusting men and you pull something like this....Oh hell naw!
Part of me wanted so bad to let out the inner stalker and slash tires, key cars, call up his job and some more things. But after the initial shock, bucket of tears and the hurt I came to realize he was unavailable.
I would love for him to answer my questions and tell me why he went about things in the manner that he did but its not my place to wonder anymore.
I prayed on it and instead of me wishing harm I wished for peace. And if he couldn't find happiness with me then he finds happiness with himself. I'll let GOD handle this and i know I'll have my answer when the time is right.
So back to starting over, my walls are thicker than ever and I'm going through an EMOTIONAL REHAB.
If you expect it then say it
One huge source of conflict in a relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend are expectations. These are things that you would hope that the other person would do in the context of your friendship and partnership. When these expectations aren't met, there is conflict. Most conflicts revolve around one source of unmet expectations or another. This is why you need to avoid this trap as much as possible.
If you get into a pattern early on in a relationship, you are probably going to be expected to keep it. If you have been writing sweet notes, for example, every Friday then forget about it for more than a month, your partner might wonder what he or she did to make you not want to do it anymore. There can be hurt feelings involved in something like a change in patterns.
Be clear about what you want and need in the relationship. It's best to do this as early as possible. If you need so many hours a week of time alone, put those patterns into place early and not later when there could be conflict because of it. Find out what your partner's expectations are in a relationship to see if you both can realistically meet them.
Be clear about what you don't want or don't need. If you draw healthy boundaries, you can protect your interests while not feeling you are stepping on what is expected of you. Be firm but loving when doing this. Again, the earlier this is done the better.
Talk about expectations in terms of different levels of commitment. Sometimes one partner or the other might expect you to act a certain way once engaged or once married. Talk about what you both think you expect at these deeper levels of commitment to avoid disappointment later on in your relationship.
(These are not my word but I agree completely. Its along the lines of what I wanted to say however found them in an article someplace on line. This is what we call the expectation trap. so many of us fall into it and don't understand what happened when things go south.)
If you get into a pattern early on in a relationship, you are probably going to be expected to keep it. If you have been writing sweet notes, for example, every Friday then forget about it for more than a month, your partner might wonder what he or she did to make you not want to do it anymore. There can be hurt feelings involved in something like a change in patterns.
Be clear about what you want and need in the relationship. It's best to do this as early as possible. If you need so many hours a week of time alone, put those patterns into place early and not later when there could be conflict because of it. Find out what your partner's expectations are in a relationship to see if you both can realistically meet them.
Be clear about what you don't want or don't need. If you draw healthy boundaries, you can protect your interests while not feeling you are stepping on what is expected of you. Be firm but loving when doing this. Again, the earlier this is done the better.
Talk about expectations in terms of different levels of commitment. Sometimes one partner or the other might expect you to act a certain way once engaged or once married. Talk about what you both think you expect at these deeper levels of commitment to avoid disappointment later on in your relationship.
(These are not my word but I agree completely. Its along the lines of what I wanted to say however found them in an article someplace on line. This is what we call the expectation trap. so many of us fall into it and don't understand what happened when things go south.)
Monday, November 8, 2010
"My Church Boyfriend"
This piece was going to be a little joke about this guy that I think purposely sits next to me at Church. At first I didn't think anything of it but when the 3rd Sunday came and he sat right next to me I noticed he was looking forward for me to be there. He tells me when he has to leave before service is over and he got a little upset when someone sat between us. I got a Church Boyfriend yall! LOL
On a serious note this is how I have been feeling, so I turned it around from an individual meaning to a spiritual meaning.... Enjoy.
Waking up Sunday morning excited, doesn't matter how late I got in the night before I make sure I'm up and ready for our 9:00am date. I make sure to put on my best for him. Hair done, makeup on, and just the right outfit. We've had this same appointment for sometime now but I always get excited. He always tells me to come as I am no need to get all dressed up. He doesn't care how I look on the outside because he knows my heart,he sees me for who I am.
Soon as I walk through the door his warmth fills me up. My eyes start to water with happiness and joy. I'm so glad to be in his presence. Those around me feel my joy and embrace me. I never felt love like this before, it's amazing.
No mater what I'm going through, how I feel, or who I feel is against me. When I talk to him he takes all of the pain and confusion away.
I love the talks we have, the quiet moments of reflection and the lessons he teaches. There is nobody greater than him. Can't believe it took me this long to give him a chance,to realize how great of a relationship this is. He was waiting for me all this time. Never giving up on me, not pointing the finger at me and he forgave me for all the wrong I've done. He knows I'm a work in progress but he is willing to work with me through it all. This is the unconditional love I've been waiting for. I've got a Church boyfriend yall!
On a serious note this is how I have been feeling, so I turned it around from an individual meaning to a spiritual meaning.... Enjoy.
Waking up Sunday morning excited, doesn't matter how late I got in the night before I make sure I'm up and ready for our 9:00am date. I make sure to put on my best for him. Hair done, makeup on, and just the right outfit. We've had this same appointment for sometime now but I always get excited. He always tells me to come as I am no need to get all dressed up. He doesn't care how I look on the outside because he knows my heart,he sees me for who I am.
Soon as I walk through the door his warmth fills me up. My eyes start to water with happiness and joy. I'm so glad to be in his presence. Those around me feel my joy and embrace me. I never felt love like this before, it's amazing.
No mater what I'm going through, how I feel, or who I feel is against me. When I talk to him he takes all of the pain and confusion away.
I love the talks we have, the quiet moments of reflection and the lessons he teaches. There is nobody greater than him. Can't believe it took me this long to give him a chance,to realize how great of a relationship this is. He was waiting for me all this time. Never giving up on me, not pointing the finger at me and he forgave me for all the wrong I've done. He knows I'm a work in progress but he is willing to work with me through it all. This is the unconditional love I've been waiting for. I've got a Church boyfriend yall!
I Got A Date!
Okay, so this on line dating thing is getting interesting. I have chatted with a few folks and none have really sparked my interest but this one dude seems to be real cool. So after a few days of chatting on the phone we decide to meet up for lunch. I'm not expecting anything and hope that the face to face conversation is just as lively as the phone conversation. We shall see and I'll keep you all updated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)